I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
