Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
