You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
