3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
