Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
