I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
