if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
my liver is dry heaving
how drunk are you?
Several
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
