That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
