fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
