I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
