just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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