I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
