3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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