I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
