I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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