i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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