filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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