do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
