Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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