when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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