im about as happy as oj after his trial
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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