I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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