Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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