my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
