Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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