I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
