Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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