I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
