a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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