i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
