Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
