Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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