god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
PANTIES FOUND
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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