Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
