You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
