I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
