somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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