it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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