remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
