she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
