Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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