Cold hands, warm shart.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
