I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
