Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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