well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
