Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
