she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
