Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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