The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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