yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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