if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
