If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
